In Another Life
by PeculiarMaleficent
Summary: how can you trust a pixie dust when loving is a choice? How ironic isn't it? Loving is a choice but someone is already there chosen for you and not the other way around. *Swan Queen ONESHOT*


**Hey guys! This is just a one shot not so happy Swan Queen. so, you can all back down if you all want to. :D**

**To those who were waiting for my updates, i'm working on it. just been busy with the real world that I can't go to FF lalaland.**

**The inspiration of this fic is PARACHUTES' THE MESS I MADE... also, LET HER GO (within temptations cover) i've been playing the songs along with Turning Page but the other songs gave me feels.**

**Also, I didn't edit it. So, sorry for the mistakes. **

**Disclaimer: Once Upon a Time is not mine.**

**uhm.. enjoy?**

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"So you are getting married?" She said whilst giving me that mayoral smile that she's been harbouring ever since we met.

It was fake.

Just like her acknowledgement of something real but surreal in my opinion. A fake acknowledgement of she was already knew. It's like she's trying to ask me if it's real.

I really hope it's not.

Yes it's true. I'm getting married with the so called "True Love" of mine, finding it without even using a pixie dust. But how can you trust a pixie dust when loving is a choice?

How ironic isn't it? Loving is a choice but someone is already there chosen for you and not the other way around. It's a fucked up rule for some people who believes in shit like that. It's a kind of a prehistoric spell that was casted in the entire land to believe that they shouldn't be alone and if someone killed your supposed 'true love' you'll be alone. Forever.

Perfect.

Now, I can't even look at her. I can't even stare at the person I _chose_ to love but can't have. Why does the wicked world have to play with me? I mean, I've been alone all my life and the only wish I had was to have someone and not be alone on my birthday.

Then, I met her.

And everything was history.

"Yeah." I answered dumbly. She knew that I love her and she loves me too actually.

"Congratulations." She said as she stared at the ocean. She said it before. Only in a different manner. This is not her. This person is a fraud.

We're currently in a bench near the port. This scene is oddly familiar. We talked and she has to walk away once. Maybe it wouldn't happen. Maybe she'll stay with me for a while and talked to me like what we used to do whenever we end up in the same place. I wonder if she's also thinking about it like how I am thinking it now.

I miss her. Ever since the decision has been made and I agreed she became distant. She didn't say anything to me when I told her that I was getting married. It was like she already anticipated it. There was one moment though, she asked me. We were under her tree, drinking her famous cider when she asked me if I wanted to escape.

She asked me if I wanted to be with her.

If I wanted to run away with her and Henry.

Henry.

He knew about our whole ordeal but he didn't say anything. Maybe he knows that once Snow White and the Prince Charming decide on what to do with their daughter, it can't be revisited ever again. Maybe he was also trying to protect her mom. If they knew who the person I'm about to runaway with, then, they'll banish her from the only place she ever known and I wouldn't see anymore. As selfish as it was, I do not want her away from me.

I was honestly tempted to say I wanted to that I want to be with her and spend all my life away from the life that is haunting me. She was looking at me with those hopeful eyes, expecting me to pick her.

But I didn't.

It was for the greater good.

And that is bullshit.

The moment I said _'I can't.'_ I knew I was wrong. I should've kissed her there and runaway with her. The moment I said those two words, I know I'll lose her forever.

She took her heart and walked away.

She didn't say anything. She looked at me with her eyes glimmering with tears that were about to fall. She has a defeated look on her and a small sad smile that shouldn't be wearing by her beautiful face. I can't do anything. I was rooted on my place as she picked the glass that we were using and muttered with hoarse voice"congratulation".

A pained "congratulations" that I wished wasn't directed to me. But it was.

And like the words of gods, before she even manage to walk inside the rain poured heavily. It was like as if the nature is crying with us, with her, for the heartbreak that I caused. She stopped midway.

I knew I should've said something but I was much of a coward to say anything. I should've called her name and tell her everything what my heart is shouting, instead, I just stared at her back and watch her as she slowly walked inside the manor.

I stayed there under the tree staring at the chance that I might have lost forever.

It was a surprised when I saw her at the granny's after a couple of days being AWOL. She was awfully quiet and no sassy remarks about how there wasn't enough sauce on her salad or that her coffee was a couple of minutes late, since Ruby, who was holding her coffee was staring at her, studying her. Even granny noticed the change of demeanor. It was seemed as if she's back to her old lonely self.

I swear, I heard the sound of an arrow and plunged into my heart.

The mood only changed when I ordered an apple pie and choco with cinnamon. I was contemplating on sitting infront of her just to prove to myself that nothing had changed between the two of us; that we are still the invincible duo Henry was talking about.

But…

But I can't hurt her more the way I did.

Instead, I just sit on a stool and silently ate my food. She then paid her bills and bid goodbye to Granny and Ruby. I was certain that wouldn't acknowledge me… but she did.

She greeted a formal 'Miss Swan' before flashing her white teeth. Her mayoral smile.

And that's where it all started.

It became a routine. It frustrates me how she would go all formal on me as if everything we had was a lie. A fucking lie and I am the only one who believes in it.

I can't blame her though.

I was the one who did this to us. I was the coward who didn't fight when she was trying to fight for us.

"Ms. Swan?" I heard her voice. I was lost in my thoughts that I didn't heard what she was saying.

"W-what?" so eloquent.

"Ms. Swan." She started.

"'Gina" I tried to protest. It's been a long time since I heard her say my name and it's killing me. Can't I just have a conversation with her saying my name the way we said before?

Well… I guess I lost the right didn't I?

"E-emma." She said. I don't know if I'll jump for joy when she muttered my name or I would cry because she literally struggled to say my name. Her voice is soft but pained at the same time. It breaks my heart.

I looked at her and she was still looking at the body of water infront of us. It was as if what she was about to say would be easier if she's not looking at me. Does she hate me that much that by looking at me disgust her?

"I'm afraid I wouldn't be here on your union." She said.

I didn't say anything. I can't say anything rather. I sat there at the end of the bench tongue tied. I watched her stand and was about to walk away. Out of reflexes, I grabbed her hand. She didn't struggle but she wasn't holding on my hand either.

"W-why?" I know why but I didn't know why I said that.

"Do you hate me that much?" She asked. I was confused to her question. I just stared at her back thinking if she'll turn her back at me so I can see her. The real her. And not the Regina that was hiding behind the mayoral suit and coat.

"Please look at me." I plead. Tears are overwhelming my eyes and I don't think I can stop it anytime soon.

"No." she said.

"Please." I said. It was the last ounce of force that I have before my tears started to pour on their own.

"D-do you hate me that much Emma? Do… do you even care enough for what I feel?"

"I do." I said.

"And why are you asking me if why I wouldn't be able to attend the union between you and your true love?" Regina exclaimed. She was now facing me. She was looking at me with eyes misted with tears. Her cheeks were wet as the tears cascade down her face. All I want to do was to dry them off, kiss her sorrows away and engulf her with a hug that says I'm sorry and I'll protect you.

But I can't.

Because I know she wouldn't let me.

She may let me hold her hand but that's just it. No more.

I hate seeing her like this. And I hate her more for doing this to her.

"I can… I can be with you." I said trying to sound courageous.

"I wish I could believe what you're saying." She said. I was shaking my head wildly telling her No. It was a silent plea that she should believe in me. "I wish I could still believe that you love me."

That does it. It made me stand and held her close to me.

"I love you. I love you so much and I don't know what I will do if I lose you." I said trying to shake her from her fears.

"You already lose me." She said silently.

"No. No! Please Regina. Please Honey." I plead.

"Just let me go." She said whilst pushing me away from her. There is no way I'll let her leave.

"Give me a second chance. Please. I love you. I'll run away with you. If you want it now. We can." I begged her. And she just continued on shaking her head trying to pull away her hand from my grasp.

"I can't take it anymore Emma. Let me go and let me find my own." Her own what? Love? But I love her. Happiness? Hasn't she been happy with me? I made her happy. Why can't she see it? Did I hurt her that much for her to just leave?

"Please Regina. Please don't leave me."

"You left first." She said. She was staring at me in the eyes. She is dead serious that she wants to do this. "Just let me go Emma. We both know that we can't fight this. In this realm, choosing the one you love over your true love is impossible."

"You are my True Love." I said in a dead serious voice. I know she is my true love.

"No. My true love died years ago." She said.

"But you love me." I said.

"I do. That's why I'm letting you go. I'm setting you free." She said biting her lips to stop her from crying.

"I don't want you to set me free."

"I'm tired Emma."

"Why won't you fight for me?" I asked angrily. She's being unfair right now.

"I did. You didn't. All… all my life I've been waiting… I've been waiting for someone to fight for me. To make me feel that I'm worth it. That I am worth fighting for. And not just a toy to be cast aside once a good one is there." She said. She was clenching her jaw hardly after she said those words.

Did I really let her down?

"You are worth it Regina."

"Am I? Am I? when the person I love the most can't even fight for me?"

They might as well pull the trigger and leave me to die. I let her down and worst, I made her feel like what everyone made feel.

"I love you. You know that right?"

"uh, yeah.. that's why you have to let me go."

"I don't want to. What about Henry?" I asked.

"He'll be fine. He has you."

"So, you're just giving up like that?"

"It will take a lot of blaming if I say you gave up first. I'm not giving up." She said. At that moment I knew I had hope. Maybe she'll take my hand and we'll runaway together. "I'll find someone for myself as well." She said with a tight lip smile.

I think I just died.

"Maybe we'll see each other again. In another life time maybe? Right time? Til then, I have to make myself happy. Even if it means letting my happiness go." She said.

I swallowed hard on her words. Loving her is everything that is right. With her, I think I finally made something right. And if letting her go is the right thing to do… if setting her free will make her happy..

"I'll see you in another life time?" I asked. She nods and with one final kiss, I let her go.

I watched her go.

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**I'M SORRY.**


End file.
